mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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