So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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