We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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