There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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