Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
