hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
