I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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