so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
