She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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