did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
