before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Less talking, more tequila
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you made out with another girl for some wings
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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