well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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