we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
did you just send me my own nude
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
