he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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