I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
