Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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