DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
