So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
