Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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