you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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