Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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