I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
