This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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