Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
