dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
