I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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