her vagine was all disorganized.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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