everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
