i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
