he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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