Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
