walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
