Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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