Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
