I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
