I'm going to rape someone's good day.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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