seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
