I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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