just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
