Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
