The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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