this beer tastes like vomit already
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
