My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
