There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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