He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
