Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
