Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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