Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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