they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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