And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
