so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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