You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
