I have demons in me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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