Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
