Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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