"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
