I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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