Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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