Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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