its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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