Apparently you make a good broom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
