Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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