he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
