I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
