he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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