just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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