It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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