i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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