I didn't shave. On purpose
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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