my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
