PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
