I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
