Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
